Reflections of a survivor who went onto volunteer at BCWA and support clients doing the Freedom Program;

 

As I sit in this room listening to women share their fears,

telling their stories with many shed tears.

I sit in silence reflecting with tears of my own,

About the times I too have suffered alone.

You said you would change; things would get better.

The only thing that changed was the tissues got wetter.

You said I have friends, so I am not loyal to you,

You almost convinced me that this was true.

You said my friends were liars and just using me,

That they were only my friends out of pity!

This in fact was rubbish, and you knew it was untrue,

The bare faced truth was, they were warning me of you!

 

We had our two children, my friends had kids too,

Yet, you did not like us going out without you.

The arguments would start, and then I would cry.

Eventually, my friends, got so tired. They all said “goodbye!”

I was left without friends. My family, miles away,

I thought my only choice was to stay.

Now sitting here in group, I see this was your plan all along.

To make me feel low and like I am always wrong.

You want me feeling weak, crying in our bed.

You would lay next to me, “It’s us against the world” you said.

You took away my dignity, you took away my pride.

With every word you spoke and every tear that I cried.

 

Today listening here, I know women have a choice.

We do not deserve to feel like we do not have a voice.

You do not listen or even care what I say,

And you waste money like water when we have bills to pay.

You would shout and start throwing stuff at the wall,

The crashing and banging were deafening to all,

I distracted the children and sent them upstairs.

But when I returned, you would rip out my hair.

Not once have I hurt you, or made you feel small.

I try to help you and I give you my all.

I care for our children, with no help from you.

I am tired, from all the work that I do.

But still you continue to hurt me with words and your threats,

And I wake every night with nightmares and cold sweats.

I try to let go of the grief and the shame,

Try every day to give these feelings a name.

You say you do not care about me; the children are who matter,

But you have never even read one school letter.

When I think of all the times, I gave you another chance,

Just for your bad attitude and anger to enhance.

Now I am done, I am drawing a line in the sand,

Never again will I feel the pain of your hand.

This time I will leave, and I will not return,

Because this time I have changed, I have grown, and I have learned.

I have learned you will say things, that you never really mean,

Just so I stay with you, and you have what you dream.

So today I will think and make a new plan,

One which is detailed and will leave you a lonely man.

A plan to protect me, and our children from you,

And to stop this abuse that we keep going through.

Today I stand up for myself and stand for respect,

And for the poor women that you have not yet met!

These women I speak of, are the ones who I pity,

Because sooner or later, things will get gritty.

You will do to them, what you once did to me,

And here they will come, to reflect and drink tea.

This group will be their saviour, as it was mine

And all over again you will be caught in your lies.

So…to all the women who live in fear,

Stand up and wipe away your tears. We can all fight to lower the threat.

We can live our futures with no regret. We can teach others our newfound ways, we can celebrate successes in our following days.

We can show them we do not back down,

We can show them how a QUEEN RECLAIMS HER CROWN!